Ways the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Could Be More Arousing

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The Victoria Secret Fashion Show isn’t for me. I get that and like it. It’s a glitzy, flashy, celebration of sexy extravagance that’s expertly and concisely put together. My TV seems clearer and at least four inches bigger. That’s the only thing. It arouses my interest, but not that much interest, and that’s good. It’s great for the people that are meant to enjoy it, but like a bra before VS came along, there are a few things that could perk it up.

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Two 27-Year-Old Men Debate Who’s Hotter: Tom Brady or Kliff Kingsbury?

Love is patient. Love is kind. Real love is raw and uncut. Real love makes you write poems about another man’s butt (more on that in a bit).

We all have eyes. Tom Brady and Kliff Kingsbury are hot men. They’re not just pretty faces, but guys you’d be happy if your sister married. (Ladies: If you’re unfamiliar with Kliff, he’s the Head Football Coach at Texas Tech.) My friend Brock is passionate about Kliff. My friend Ricky daydreams about Tom.

Left: Brock   Right: Rick

Left to right: Brock, Ricky

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A Fashion Blog Someone Needs to Start

Big news. I hope you’re sitting down. I am. That’s because I’m pooping. Yep. And if you walk into the bathroom right now, you’re going to see my suede leopard flats and want to ask me where I got them. But you won’t. Because mid-poop conversations with strangers are weird. Unless you’re reading this blog while pooping, which is smart. I pop, lock and squat it at a lot of random places, while wearing a lot of fabulous outfits, and I’m going to tell you about all of them here. I drink a venti double skim chai every morning, so check back for regular updates.

This is the “about” section of your new blog, ladies. It’s called Taking a Chic, and it’s a fashion blog that’s going to make you internet famous.

leps

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Analyzing Gangster Disguises for Fashion Week

Yes, it’s New York Fashion Week, so Big Balls is breaking down the disguises drug dealers have used to hide their identity so far this season on National Geographic’s Drugs, Inc. TV show. Say ciao to real street style people. None of that soft shit popping up on Sincerely, Jules and Fashion Toast this week. Each outfit will be graded on a fashion scale of 0 – 5 kilos (we’re wholesalers at Big Balls), and I really hope no drug dealer takes this personally.

Mr. Black – Wholesale Dealer

Fashion scale: 4 kilos

GangsterFashionWeekMrBlack

Mr. Black scores major points for the alias/outfit synergy. As a big money player, he may have to be a little careful wearing that hat this Fall though, ’cause it’s sure to turn heads.

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